If you have children you know something very basic, the moment they start talking they don't really stop. Sure they take a breath or perhaps have something to drink, but those are small obstacles for a child that has something to share, even if it's absolutely nothing.
The older that kids get, the more nothing they have to say.
Grace, my six year old, is blessed with the ability to continually carry on about anything that pops into her head. I don't think she was born with that filter that most adults have and children begin to learn early on. This can lead to some very tense moments when we've had to teach the value of being polite. There are other times though when what comes out of her mouth is nothing but pure gold and we sit and cackle like mad scientists who have perfected the ultimate experiment.
One of those times happened about a month ago.
I was off of work and went to pick up Grace from school. Jacob (the terrorist) was in the car with us and we took the shortest route between two points. However, as any parent will tell you, any road trip is going to be filled with non-stop chatter, even if it makes no sense.
For the majority of the voyage she'd been talking about her friends, the things that they'd done today and some of the lessons that she'd been taught that day. Then the following exchnage happened:
Grace: Daddy?
Me: Yes?
Grace: Today we learned about PEACE! I love PEACE!
Me: Really?
Grace: Yea I think it's great!
Me: What is peace?
Grace: Peace is like, when Jacob's asleep and no one's talking and I can just say anything I want and no one will interrupt me and I can just talk on and on and everyone will listen and then I can be happy!
(Note: I realize that the above caption for Grace is a complete run on sentence but it is how she speaks.)
Me: That's very nice sweetie but that's not really peace.
Grace: It isn't?
Me: (chuckle) No honey. Peace is when no one is talking, there's no noise and you just enjoy the silence. You try not to break the silence so you can enjoy the peace.
I looked in the rearview mirror and watched her come to terms with what I had just explained.
Grace: I don't like peace anymore.
Sigh, someday she'll appreciate it.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Problem solved
So my buddy Ryan informed me that my blog layout was lacking readability. So he fixed it. All is well. He's basically my Oracle.
This is why - Zombies
I was sitting down for my final break at work yesterday. The current book that I’m reading at work (or rather re-reading) is Cell by Stephen King. It’s his ode to Romero and Matheson, both considered the fathers of horror. His book is a cross between one of Romero’s Of the Dead movies and Matheson’s I Am Legend. (The novella, not the Will Smith vehicle that came out a few years ago both good in their own right.) So there I was about to crack open the book when one of my co-worker’s stopped and started to chuckle, “Dude, what is it with you and zombies?”
It’s a question I honestly don’t get very often and I figured it would be a good thing to wax on about for an entry and give you guys (all three of you at this point) a reason why.
I’m a child of the 80s and 90s. I was born 2/3 of the way through Romero’s original Dead series and society didn’t have as wild a fascination with Zombies as we have in this day and age. Sure you still had the one off Zombie movie, comment or comic but it’s not like it is now where Zombie are all over the main stream, have video games devoted solely to the thought of killing them in some savage outbreak or reimaging them as rage infested human beings hellbent on bathing in your blood.
Horror movies were my bedtime stories when I was growing up. Television was my first babysitter, Nintendo my first best friend and if you don’t believe me talk to my close friends and family, they’ll tell you the same thing. I learned English from watching Bugs Bunny outwit Daffy Duck and Tweety get the better of Slyvester (Suffering Succotash took a while to master without feeling the need to rain spit on someone when I was little).
From about ’88 to ’93, I tried to find as much horror as possible. I loved it and craved it like nothing in the world. Movies like 976-Evil, The Monster Squad, Fright Night, Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Living Dead (Remake), the Elm Street series and the Friday the 13th series were my constant companions. Michael Jackson’s Thriller captivated me in a way that was surreal. I listened to the lyrics of that song over and over, tried to learn the dance moves and somehow convinced myself that if I wasn’t in bed and asleep by midnight that the dead that came out at midnight would SMELL my brain and come and ravage me.
The thing about zombies that calls to the child in me still is that out of all of the horror based creations running around zombies are the ones that I truly believe that a normal man would stand a chance against.
See I’ve read hundreds of books (not an exaggeration) that cover any and everything you can think of. Anne Rice’s Vampire series was a favorite when I was in high school. The idea that vampires were these Aristocratic creatures vainer that a Senior in my school made me laugh more than cringe in fear. They seemed to have more drama in their lives than I ever could, why would they even think about taking over the world? I felt like I could go ahead and tell them a sob story about my life and they’d pity me so much they may even take me in.
It wasn’t until I read other incarnations of vampires that I began to see that maybe Vampires should be messed with. Marvel Comics has one of the most famous Vampire Killers in Blade. A minority on top of a minority (A black vampire killer who is a vampire) he took his battle to the vampires but it was never easy. Then in X-Men Chris Claremont had the X-Men battle Dracula of all people! DRACULA! He had Storm in his thrall, one of the strongest female characters in comics and the team barely won the day!
Then I there was a novel entitled Vampire$. I read this long before John Carpenter got a hold of it and ruined a well written story. In it we are introduced to a world where vampires exist and are considered a hazard. It follows the story of a group of crusaders backed by the Vatican working out of the United States Niles
Werewolves, well those were some different types of creatures. The Howling and An American Werewolf in London both captured the pain a person goes through with that affliction (I call it an affliction because in nothing that I’ve read or seen does anyone WANT to be a werewolf, they spend their stories living in misery and trying to find a way to be rid of the curse they live with.) You have the moral dilemma of killing while in your werewolf form and having no knowledge of what transpired the night before. The anguish of watching the moon and knowing that no matter what you did when it was full, you were out shedding like crazy and looking for a fresh kill. The only way to kill a werewolf was with Silver. Most say a silver bullet but more out of convince, I mean seriously are you going to go up to a werewolf and try to stab it? Of course not! You want to fastest way to do it with the most distance between you and the target.
Last time I checked silver bullets weren’t just sold at the corner store. Monster Squad showed a good way of dealing with this issue. So did Stephen King’s own Cycle of the Werewolf (Later turned into Silver Bullet for a movie). Marvel also had a resident Werewolf in a series aptly named Werewolf by Night.
While Marvel’s version was a kindred spirit with the TV series Kung Fu, the other two version mentioned above were drastically different. In Monster Squad it was almost a Jekyll and Hyde persona where the human part of the afflicted didn’t want to be the werewolf, feared it and tried to either be killed or warn people away from him. The werewolf persona in him thrived in evil, carnage and mayhem, answering only to Dracula himself (Monster Squad also answered an age old question that many kids want to know “Wolfman has nards!” when one of the kids trying to escape has no choice but to resort to kicking wolfman in the nethers)
The last incarnation in Stephen King’s story seemed a bit more sinister in both versions of the creature. King even went as far as making the wolf wear sheep’s clothing while human (I’d tell you but if you haven’t read it, well that would be ruining the suspense for you). Each month a new person in this small sleepy town would meet their demise and if it wasn’t for the belief of one child the rampage would have continued unabated.
Werewolves don’t seem keen on world domination but more on, what’s for dinner. That along with the inhuman strength, agility, reckless abandon and near impossibility to kill, well I wouldn’t sit there and tangle with one. Also, even surviving an encounter doesn’t equate to victory. Being bitten by a werewolf leaves you with that self same issue. (Some stories say that if the werewolf that bite you is destroyed by your hand then you are also liberated of the affliction without having to be killed.)
That leaves us with Zombies. George Romero is the father of zombies in their current incarnation. If we want to be technical zombies can go probably further back with West African Vodun. The occult practice supposedly has a 'spell' (for lack of a better word) that brings people back to life and puts them under the control of the person who called them forth. Used for various things including killing rivals and anything else the wizard or bokor decides to use them for. Zombies have a real world footing. Yes it may be fragile but it's there. Romero's version of this is a bit more vague. Never in any of his movies has he come out and said why the dead come back to life. Although there was an anthology some years ago where writers were asked to come up with a reason why the dead would come to life, none of them have been pointed at by Romero as a reason why.
This is one of the reasons why I find zombies fascinating. There is no 'perfect time' or 'perfect situation' for zombies. One minute they aren't there, the next you're swarmed with all kinds of undead looking for a midnight snack. In the 80s and into the 90s the movie series Return of the Living Dead placed all the blame of the undead on the military because of some experiment that ended up springing a leak and spreading over some cemetery bringing all of its residents up to have a meal. While this was great comedy relief, it probably wouldn't happen. (Well maybe) Universal Soldier also had some similar undertones with soldiers that were brought back from the dead to become the ultimate army, of course it went horribly wrong and some were just plain insane BUT they weren't flesh eaters. So this just proves that the military is a well loved whipping boy.
In all zombie related movies, books or comics the same thing can be spotted. While we may be outnumbered, a normal human being may be able to hold their own against the undead. I mean, sure the Zack Synder version of Dawn of the Dead made it close to impossible to survive with fast running zombies, the majority of stories with zombies have them being slow shambling creatures that are just as likely to chase you as they are to stumble on their own feet. It's a limitation that Romero imposed and many continue to use because in the face of an undead horde knowing that a protagonist can at least out run them and hope to find a weapon in the meantime.
Out of all supernatural, undead or evil creatures that roam the halls of the imagination I would gladly face a horde (or herd) of zombies over anything else. Zombies can't learn, they have no ability to retain information. They follow only what they can smell, see or hear (depending on how decomposed they are) so locking a door you can at least be comforted in knowing they can't go find a key. They are easily killed by severing the spine or causing brain trauma. There is no stake through the heart or silver bullet need. You don't have to get up close and personal or hide until sun up and hope that they don't figure out where you're hiding. The same plus is also a minus, the dead don't rest. They don't have hours of operations or only certain days they can hunt. If they're out and about, then you're either ready or you're in serious trouble.
Robert Kirkland has masterfully shown us this month in and month out in the comic: The Walkind Dead. The series isn't as much about zombies but about how people find a way to prevail. Some of them band together and try to get by, others think of it as a chance of being more than what they were when the world still made sense, no matter who they have to kill in the process. He's managed to show us several different ways that people may try to survive. While he's mostly followed the story one particular set of people, no one is ever fully safe and he reminds us of that continually.Hopefuly the AMC TV series adaptation will follow the same formula.
They don't work together. They might roam in groups but I think of that more as an oddity than I do something they conciously decide to do thinking they'll have better luck hunting. You may run into a roamer all alone, a small group or a herd just milling about.
They can't fly. They don't have superstrength, the don't have superhearing, they're just reanimated flesh. If you really think about it, reanimated flesh is a very poor copy of what you and I can do. The body atrophies when it dies, tissue rots, muscle decays and flexibility is destroyed. That's why zombies shamble and why zombies that run, while cool, would never happen. The tendons are gone, the ability to sprint is non-existent.
Personally I feel safe knowing that if I can weld any type of sharp object or know how to unlock the safety on a gun and pull the trigger, I can survive. Still, the question with zombies isn't if you can survive but how long you can do it for. The more I learn, the longer I can survive :)
So I guess it all boils down to: thank my babysitter for my fascination.
That leaves us with Zombies. George Romero is the father of zombies in their current incarnation. If we want to be technical zombies can go probably further back with West African Vodun. The occult practice supposedly has a 'spell' (for lack of a better word) that brings people back to life and puts them under the control of the person who called them forth. Used for various things including killing rivals and anything else the wizard or bokor decides to use them for. Zombies have a real world footing. Yes it may be fragile but it's there. Romero's version of this is a bit more vague. Never in any of his movies has he come out and said why the dead come back to life. Although there was an anthology some years ago where writers were asked to come up with a reason why the dead would come to life, none of them have been pointed at by Romero as a reason why.
This is one of the reasons why I find zombies fascinating. There is no 'perfect time' or 'perfect situation' for zombies. One minute they aren't there, the next you're swarmed with all kinds of undead looking for a midnight snack. In the 80s and into the 90s the movie series Return of the Living Dead placed all the blame of the undead on the military because of some experiment that ended up springing a leak and spreading over some cemetery bringing all of its residents up to have a meal. While this was great comedy relief, it probably wouldn't happen. (Well maybe) Universal Soldier also had some similar undertones with soldiers that were brought back from the dead to become the ultimate army, of course it went horribly wrong and some were just plain insane BUT they weren't flesh eaters. So this just proves that the military is a well loved whipping boy.
In all zombie related movies, books or comics the same thing can be spotted. While we may be outnumbered, a normal human being may be able to hold their own against the undead. I mean, sure the Zack Synder version of Dawn of the Dead made it close to impossible to survive with fast running zombies, the majority of stories with zombies have them being slow shambling creatures that are just as likely to chase you as they are to stumble on their own feet. It's a limitation that Romero imposed and many continue to use because in the face of an undead horde knowing that a protagonist can at least out run them and hope to find a weapon in the meantime.
Out of all supernatural, undead or evil creatures that roam the halls of the imagination I would gladly face a horde (or herd) of zombies over anything else. Zombies can't learn, they have no ability to retain information. They follow only what they can smell, see or hear (depending on how decomposed they are) so locking a door you can at least be comforted in knowing they can't go find a key. They are easily killed by severing the spine or causing brain trauma. There is no stake through the heart or silver bullet need. You don't have to get up close and personal or hide until sun up and hope that they don't figure out where you're hiding. The same plus is also a minus, the dead don't rest. They don't have hours of operations or only certain days they can hunt. If they're out and about, then you're either ready or you're in serious trouble.
Robert Kirkland has masterfully shown us this month in and month out in the comic: The Walkind Dead. The series isn't as much about zombies but about how people find a way to prevail. Some of them band together and try to get by, others think of it as a chance of being more than what they were when the world still made sense, no matter who they have to kill in the process. He's managed to show us several different ways that people may try to survive. While he's mostly followed the story one particular set of people, no one is ever fully safe and he reminds us of that continually.Hopefuly the AMC TV series adaptation will follow the same formula.
They don't work together. They might roam in groups but I think of that more as an oddity than I do something they conciously decide to do thinking they'll have better luck hunting. You may run into a roamer all alone, a small group or a herd just milling about.
They can't fly. They don't have superstrength, the don't have superhearing, they're just reanimated flesh. If you really think about it, reanimated flesh is a very poor copy of what you and I can do. The body atrophies when it dies, tissue rots, muscle decays and flexibility is destroyed. That's why zombies shamble and why zombies that run, while cool, would never happen. The tendons are gone, the ability to sprint is non-existent.
Personally I feel safe knowing that if I can weld any type of sharp object or know how to unlock the safety on a gun and pull the trigger, I can survive. Still, the question with zombies isn't if you can survive but how long you can do it for. The more I learn, the longer I can survive :)
So I guess it all boils down to: thank my babysitter for my fascination.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Zombous Interruptous
You know there's probably nothing worse than having your heart set on something and then having it not happen. I'm a man of simple things; they truly make my world go round. So yesterday I decided that after my day at work, and spending time with the kids and getting them into bed, I would go ahead with some zombie killing.
Dead Rising 2 had been calling my name all day. I was excited!
I get home and I walked into Hiroshima after the atomic bomb. Jacob had spent some time rearranging his toy area and my games. Change of plans then, clean up a bit after the kids go to bed, no big deal. I'll be honest when I say that I don't think that we need to have nuclear warfare or anything like that. Just send planes full of kids to the nation we have an issue with and set them loose. My son is a KMD... Kid of Mass Destruction. For a one year old the boy did serious damage. It was a twenty-five minute cleaning spree and that was only the stuff I could FIND, no telling where some of the toys and other things in the living room were hidden. Nothing worse than finding a sippy cup that's been in hiding, for 3 weeks, full of goat's milk... yeah tasty.
Kids put in bed. Check
Dinner eaten. Check
Living Room clutter-busted. Check
Now, where's that game.....
Okay, seriously, where's that GAME!?!
Another twenty minutes going around trying to find the game now. I'm checking all of his usual hiding places, the fireplace, the bookshelves, deep behind the couches, his toy chest. I can't find it.
*RAGE*
At this point I have this image of my son in shackles, being walked down a prison hallway, because I'm ready to send him to the Bastille for hiding my game!
I can't find it. I ask my wife for help (she's at work and is getting filled in via text) and I still can't find it. So I give up. I figure when my wife Crystal gets home she'll help me figure it out. So instead I try to fill my zombie killing urge by watching Dawn of the Dead (the remake) and some episodes of The Walking Dead.
Alas, when you have a need to do something but can't, nothing can fill that desire fully.
Crystal got home a couple of hours later and started going through the same steps that I did. She found it though... because while I was so concerned with the game being FAR back behind the couch, I didn't bother to check just a few inches under it... that's right, I was outsmarted by a one year old.
I know that I'll get another chance at that one though, kids don't change their hiding spots that often.
Dead Rising 2 had been calling my name all day. I was excited!
I get home and I walked into Hiroshima after the atomic bomb. Jacob had spent some time rearranging his toy area and my games. Change of plans then, clean up a bit after the kids go to bed, no big deal. I'll be honest when I say that I don't think that we need to have nuclear warfare or anything like that. Just send planes full of kids to the nation we have an issue with and set them loose. My son is a KMD... Kid of Mass Destruction. For a one year old the boy did serious damage. It was a twenty-five minute cleaning spree and that was only the stuff I could FIND, no telling where some of the toys and other things in the living room were hidden. Nothing worse than finding a sippy cup that's been in hiding, for 3 weeks, full of goat's milk... yeah tasty.
Kids put in bed. Check
Dinner eaten. Check
Living Room clutter-busted. Check
Now, where's that game.....
Okay, seriously, where's that GAME!?!
Another twenty minutes going around trying to find the game now. I'm checking all of his usual hiding places, the fireplace, the bookshelves, deep behind the couches, his toy chest. I can't find it.
*RAGE*
At this point I have this image of my son in shackles, being walked down a prison hallway, because I'm ready to send him to the Bastille for hiding my game!
I can't find it. I ask my wife for help (she's at work and is getting filled in via text) and I still can't find it. So I give up. I figure when my wife Crystal gets home she'll help me figure it out. So instead I try to fill my zombie killing urge by watching Dawn of the Dead (the remake) and some episodes of The Walking Dead.
Alas, when you have a need to do something but can't, nothing can fill that desire fully.
Crystal got home a couple of hours later and started going through the same steps that I did. She found it though... because while I was so concerned with the game being FAR back behind the couch, I didn't bother to check just a few inches under it... that's right, I was outsmarted by a one year old.
I know that I'll get another chance at that one though, kids don't change their hiding spots that often.
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