You know there are times when something is going to happen and you think you’re prepared for it only to find out, not so much.
A little over five weeks ago my wife brought into the world our two daughters Zoey and Paige. Now we didn’t find out we had twins until we did the ultrasound for gender, which means that we didn’t have much time to prepare and even less to come to terms with what that would mean to our family and to us.
I was there for Jacob’s birth. I remember the feeling of elation and awe and wonder at the miracle that is birth. (It is a miracle. Science may be able to explain the logistics behind it but can never explain how each child is their own person and not just a carbon copy.) With the girls I was there as well but my senses weren’t heightened, they were dulled. The fear and dread that every parent never talks about when bringing a child into the world was palpable to me in that time between labor and birth. Normally anything can go wrong in a delivery and in the instance of twins, that’s twice as likely. Anything could have happened to any of the three of them, mother and children and how do you live through that?
People continually say, “Well you come to terms and move on.” Yes, intellectually that’s correct but how do you have your heart and soul mend at the loss of any life? At the change in your status quo so drastic that it seems insurmountable?
Daily we make choices that have a ripple effect on ourselves, those around us and the outside world in some instances. Do we sit and trivialize over those decisions? Do we think about how ordering a book from Amazon may bring that small mom and pop book store down the road one missed sale closer to having to board up their doors? Do we grasp the fact that perhaps the UPS man just had someone close to them pass on and still he’s trying his best to put his brave face on at work?
Changes happen everyday but we never realize just how much they may impact us until we’re in the midst of the turmoil that the change may have done.
With the girls, and that’s what we call them “The Girls” because while they’re twins they look nothing alike and act even less so, the change came in understanding that their personalities are so polar opposite that sometimes it can be hectic.
Zoey was born first at 3:12. She bulled her way into the world and made little to no noise for a while, just taking in the sights and wondering what the brightness was. Paige arrived at 3:21, late for the party and mad that she was even there.
Who they are has already begun to show. Zoey is more high maintenance, not wanting to be moved quickly, demanding what she wants and how she wants it. If you get her what she wants but not in the way she asked, well then prepare to hear about it.
Paige on the other hand seems to adopt a live and let live personality. Are you holding her? Is her tummy full and her diaper clean? Well then, that’s alright, she’ll just sit there and practice holding her head up.
In the time that they’ve been in my life I feel like more has changed than just the addition of two little lives. Instead we have two people who have already begun to enrich our lives with their presence and their voices.
They are more ripples in the pond of my life, continuing to morph and change me into a, hopefully, better man and better father. With them here, I understand the meaning of the term, growing pains.
